Lonely...

Its been too long...way to long.

Whats 'lonely'? How do i describe 'lonely'? Base word - alone. The noun, loneliness. Is lonely an adjective or an adverb? Its a strange feeling.. its only felt when I am alone? Not necessarily.. I can feel lonely when I'm right smack in a middle of a kenduri..?
I'm in my empty house, alone. But I dont feel lonely.. I was walking in a crowded mall a few days ago, yet I felt so lonely... I was talking with my sister on the phone, deep inside I felt so lonely. I was having coffee with friends, laughing at their jokes, then, I felt that zzinngg in my ear and I felt so so lonely..
Is it love? I have so much love around me. Puzi love me like crazy and I'm crazy mad about him. Nadeem, the light of my life- I have squeezed all my love for him and will do so till end of time..I've never ever felt unloved.

Yet, I feel so lonely..that deep hollow excruciating emptiness...but only when I am not alone, only when I have people around me. I feel lonely when I'm not understood. I feel lonely when I'm miss-understood. I feel lonely when I think I did good but not being seen doing good. I'm not seeking appreciation nor am I seeking fame. I only want to be acknowledged! Until then, I feel lonely...

Nak buka apa-ramadhan9

Alhamdulillah.. its already over a week of ramadhan. How time jets away...

It has been raining, in fact we're getting thunder storms almost every evening. Its truly a blessing to cool down our extra warm bodies in Ramadhan. I dont actually mind without astro services..thats a blessing, too! Many2 other things to do, reading the quran, reading islamic books and journals, or even just looking out of the window..Allahuakbar, what can be greater than the maker of rain, the unimaginable volume of water from the sky, the bright blinding lightning, the roar of thunder shaking to your inner core...

But my heart goes out to the traders at Bazaar ramadhan..Do they make less on rainy days? Do we buy less in rainy days?Mm.. i guess not. There some who have to brave the storm, they need the food for iftar..I suppose its more wet, cold and slow way to make money. The rezeki will still be rezeki, bestowed by the maker of the storm, no more, no less!

Lets see, had a sumptious berbuka yesterday, simple but the croissant sandwich was awesome, my roast chicken was tender and moist and ..mm my garlic bread was a hit, hot from the oven. Even the bread pudding was cleand off the plate without a tiny crumb...thanks papa for all the piji-pujian.

Whats cooking today?

Berbuka
Tortilla chips with salsa dip
Garlic bread (a repeat bcos it was sooo good yesterday)
Spaghetti bolognaise
Creamy corn pudding


Sahur
Nasi goreng with telur mata kerbau
Keropok

Selamat berbuka!

Nak buka apa-ramadhan8

Mm..tepuk dada tanya selera. What do I feel like eating? lets try something different, lets go western..

Berbuka
Mushroom soup w slices of garlic bread
Chicken mayo croissant (for me)
Roast chicken with herb potatoes
Bread pudding


Sahur
Nasi putih
Ayam goreng
Sambal ikan bilis dan kentang
Sayur campur

Selamat berpuasa!

Nak buka apa-ramadhan7

Oops..busy busy day..

Berbuka
Karipap daging
Roti boom
Yee Mee in mushroom and crabmeat soup
Bubur keladi

Sahur
Nasi putih
Daging masak kicap
Ikan goreng cicah budu
Sayur sawi tumis


Selamat berbuka!

Nak buka apa- Ramadhan6

eehh...terlepas 1 hari ramadhan. Was so busy cooking yesterday...got a guest for iftar..alhamdulillah, seronoknya dapat memberi makanan pada yang berpuasa and yang menyambut ulangtahunnya. Happy Birthday, dearest.

Lets see what to berbuka today...certain '*teringins' kena beli at bazaar ramadhan

Berbuka
*Murtabak singapura
Pecal
*Mee rebus
Bubur pulut hitam (yg dimasak tapi tak habis semalam)
Buah mangga

Sahur
Nasi putih
Kari daging
Sambal ikan bilis dan petai
Kobis goreng

Selamat berbuka!

Nak buka apa- ramadhan4

Alhamdulillah, indahnya hari berpuasa yang ke 4 ini. Kenapa? Nadeem dapat balik berbuka di rumah.. gembira rasanya. Rasa mendapat kekuatan yang berbeza. Sayangnya ibu pada seorang anak.Setiap kali aku berbuka terbayang nadeem terpaksa makan apa yang dihidang. Mesti makan kerana lapar.. "Hari ni adeem boleh buka apa yang adeem suka, kan ma?" ucapan yang telah dijangkakan..

Pertama kali ramadhan ni dapat undangan berbuka, di rumah pak yong.

Berbuka
(Yang akan ku bawa untuk dikongsi bersama keluarga)
Ayam golek
Tauhu sumbat
permintaan nadeem Pizza pepperoni delight
KFC

Sahur
Nasi putih
Dalca tulang
Goreng ikan masin
Goreng kobis

Selamat Berbuka!

Nak buka apa - Ramadhan3

Mmm...not cooking today but I've planned what to buy at Bazaar Ramadhan today.

Berbuka
Tauhu bakar
Pecal
Kueteow sup
Bubur pulut hitam

Sahur
Nasi putih
Ayam masak lemak
Sambal udang dan petai
Sayur kobis goreng

Selamat berbuka!

Nak berbuka apa - Ramadhan2

My friend, Suhaimi, posted on his Fb wall;
Berapa ramai orang yang berpuasa tidak mendapatkan bahagian dari puasanya selain lapar dan dahaga dan berapa ramai orang yang solat malam tidak mendapatkan bahagian dari ibadahnya melainkan rasa mengantuk saja - sabda Nabi Muhammad saw

I was not in the best of health yesterday, my head was spinning almost all day long...I was so sad. Wanted to do a lot more, wanted to offer my ibadah. Maybe I was too takabur. In my heart, oh here comes ramadhan, puasa je, thats it. Well, its not just puasa. Its not just 'lapar dan dahaga'.I was so very disappointed and felt a sense of emptiness when I bite my mariami date for berbuka...

Ya Allah, give me good health, strengthen my iman. Give me the patience to face your test and give me the courage to overcome my weakness, so that I can raise my ibadah my sincerest , total submission of being your hamba..amin


Whats our menu today?

Berbuka
Lemang & rendang(want to finish my rendang)
Prawn Mee
Crocette Tofu (emak's recipe)
Caramel pudding

Sahur
Nasi putih
Sambal udang galah
Pajeri kedondong
Telur masin

Selamat berbuka!

Nak berbuka apa - Ramadhan1

Lets try simple meals this Ramadhan

Plan to have
Berbuka

Vietnamese Popiah with crabmeat
Flat chinese noodle with udang galah
Puding som-som
Air tebu

Sahur

Nasi putih
Paru bercili
Tumis kobis
Telur masin
Rendang

Ramadhan

Alhamdulillah, bulan mulia sudah tiba...Ramadhan.

What is Ramadhan to my family?
Puasa - not having breakfast, lunch and tea.
Sahur - 4.45am, i wake up to cook and the rest being woken up to eat.
Terawih - a undescribable feeling, every rakaat sends different shivers to my body and soul, subhanallah
Berbuka - Not rice..i.e not white rice and lauk.

What is different this year? Its berpuasa, but just the two of us. Nadeem is fasting away in madrasah. couldnt sleep for the last few nights. Wondering how nadeem is doing. Will he wake up for sahur, will friends be gentle waking him up. If he's tired while fasting, can he take a nap, rest awhile. Berbuka- oh dear, since he was 6, he gets to break fast with his favourite food...oh my aching heart. After the long hard fasting day, i cant give him what he likes.

But this is what my husband said "Papa rasa gembira..dia berpuasa bersama fisabilillah. Di bawah jagaan para ustaz al-tahfiz. semoga dia terpelihara dari hasutan dan nafsu dan diberkati sepanjang ramadhan, semoga imannya bertambah kuat..berbuka dan bersahur hanyalah sebahagian drpd ibadah puasa...'

So, this year.. berpuasa without my parents and without my son...alhamdulillah this is my test.

Aging gracefully

Hear ye hear ye... growing old,so what?

Approaching 40, had 'silver' hair. Big deal? Went to the hair salon, made them burgundy. My,my, that add a touch of class.

45...the silver highlights became the spot light..brighter, so clear even 10ft away. Oh dear, need drastic moves..henna them, do it with tea leaves, set it overnight. That should last longer and in the long run cheaper.

I'm going 49 and will be 50 next year...Thats it..Got silver eyebrows now...my son pointed them to me last week, so I said ' its the trend..look Najib has them, too..the PM is mama's role model'
Alas, I know the time is here..Accept it, embrace it, its god's gift, this aging thing...

Sweet Memories..

Its been way too too long ago since I last wrote.



Had such a big blast from the past recently. My friend from secondary school, like 32 years ago found me on FaceBook. A sudden BANGGGG..My fb friends list from 12 became 53 over the week and it has not stop growing..



Dear old friends.."old" friends.. some looks so old, some like they have been freezed, and most of us have grown bigger, wider, 'whiter', darker, wrinkled, etc etc. Some are Datuks, Datins,Profs, Docs, Hajis, Hajahs, Tuan...whoever and whatever you are, we once lived, breathed the same air at the same playground. Alhamdulillah, we get to meet again.. It's also sad that some of my friends are taken too soon..They were some of the most gentle people I've known..They say God takes the good ones early..



Ahh... Sweet sweet memories, some wise men say 'we are what history makes us'. I dont really know what that means but never believe wise men. I think women are wiser but thats another chapter.



Welcome back into my life, my friends from TI KL.