Journal of Dreams

Every morning, well, most mornings, especially weekday mornings, I would take a few minutes between waking up and getting up. It depends, the few minutes could turn into like half an hour. I would just lie very very still, staring at the ceiling, sometimes stretched my back a bit, sometimes smiling looking out of the window..Well, it depends on the dreams that I have the night before.

It has become a habit to try to remember my dreams. Happy dreams, sad dreams, dreamy kind of delusions, mysterious like there must be a good interpretion of dreams, even nightmares. I have yet to wake up, all sweaty, heart beating fast, head throbbing, kind of dream. Wait, maybe there was, once...couldn't remember much.

Heard somewhere that Tun Mahathir has a journal of dreams, where he writes down all his dreams. That was how we got proton, sepang circuit, putrajaya..What I'm not sure is whether its subconscious, when he's asleep dreams, or just a list of the things he wants to do.

Somehow, I only dream of my parents, family, friends, buying the It handbags, shoes, holidays. Why is it I dont get IMPORTANT dreams like inventing machines, building monuments, manufacturing something useful commercially, something grand, dreams that can make me famous, to make me rich..I suppose I am no Tun Mahathir material, even if I have such dreams I do not have the capacity nor do I have access to the government $$$$$ ..

Mimpi indah and angan-angan Mat Jenin...

Maths & Science, English or BM?

Such a big hu-ha about teaching Maths and Science in BM, in English..I've got many smsss from mothers, from fathers, from e-groups. Look...does it really matter.? Children are like sponges. They can absorb whatever knowledge in whatever language at their age. I guess all these hu-has are from parents? I know so many British, American universities' graduates parents, all started off with Maths and English taught in BM in schools. So what? They graduated, didn't they? Some are now Ministers, Pengarahs, CEOs, engineers, lawyers, doctors, professors and almost all are parents..

What parents do not see is that it is not easy to teach Maths and Science in English when English is our second language. I am a Maths graduate from the UK. I would like to think I am very good in Maths. I know my Maths in English. I have a very good command of English and am confident I even think in English but that does not mean I can teach Maths in English. Preaching is easy. Teaching, is difficult. Educating is even harder. What the Education Ministry did was sending thousands of sponsored students to do TESL, teaching english as a second language. Once upon a time there was a boom of TESL graduates. They came back,posted to schools to teach communication english which was the mistake. We should have stuck to the real English Language not silly communication english. When we learn communication english, we can communicate in english, not mastering the language.

Now, Maths and Science is about concepts and principles. It is very difficult to enpart knowledge of concepts and principles when the grasp of the language itself, is very poor.

I suppose the kepo parents are mostly from the Klang Valley and city dwellers. Wonder why?English is a language. Maths and Science are just subjects of knowledge. yes one must know what is gravity, what is a solar system,what are herbivors, what are decimals, matrixes...but it does not matter in what language.

Malaysians are so critical about the way fellow malaysian speaks english. We laugh when our friends mispronounce words, we sneer when we hear people converse in so called broken english. The funny part is that we like to hear the french Pierre's how u zay sepeack de englaise, we adore when the italian Giancarlos how you zay clooze zee doorrrs or the spanish Fernandos say how arrre you, my louvre... or when Sato san ordered tlee flied lice to go..

So why la? Why kepo one. I know e=mc sq la and 2+2=4, in BM and in english same what...

Missing you....

I'm all alone. It's serenely quite, only the tickings of the clock, the chirping of birds in the garden and the trickling water in the fish pond...

I'm missing you. I miss your daily calls, everyday, without fail, mere minutes or seconds earlier or later but I will hear your calls. I would walk, slowly or briskly, I would walk to you even when my heart wants to run to you but I would only walk to you. Thats what I was taught. I miss the tender feelings when I'm with you. I miss the peacefulness everytime I touched you. I miss the shivers of total surrender when I embraced me. I miss the joy of letting go of my wordly needs and wants just to be with you.

You are so beautiful, so magical...you touched my heart, my soul, my being..and may Allah grant me the rezeki, the strength and the honor to visit you and give myself to Him infront of your Kaabah.

Ya Allah, makbukanlah doa ku untuk sentiasa, berulangkali, dapat ke Masjidil Haram mu, untuk dapat usap, kucup, solat dan sujud di depan Kaabah mu bersama keluargaku...Amin.

I have a dream...

We are building our dream house. Actually MY dream house, I came up with the plan. I drew up the layout, where I want the lounge to be, how big is the kitchen, the size of my bedroom, etc etc...and Puzi makes my dreams come true...

We went to my dream house yesterday, only 60% completed..Puzi was in the backyard, Nadeem was up in his bedroom and I was sitting on a piece of plank in the lounge. Its slowly getting into shape. My dream house!

I closed my eyes. Felt the evening breeze. Could hear the thuds of golf balls being teed-off , the roof foil flapping away. Could see rays of the sun seeping through the unfinished roof. The walls are halfway plastered. The floors are hard cement screed. I can see the roof trusses, no ceiling.

I closed my eyes, dreaming of what it will be. I walked to the lounge, I spinned an MJ spin in the dinning, I moon walked to the kitchen, I sasyed to the guest bedroom, I hopscotched in my study, I FredAstaired in the tv room, I ran up the stairs to my cute bedroom, I huffed and puffed up to Nadeem's apartment....Yes, its all done, the toilets, too. All we need to do, tile the floors, paint the walls, fix the fixtures, finish the finishes...and Puzi said I might get my dream house for my birthday....

Will my dream house be a dream home....

The company...

Was with my family yesterday...My eldest darling cucu kept on repeating, 'Bestnya, ramai-ramai. Bestnya semua orang ada..'

It was a BBQ at my sister's. Celebrating the July-borns. I guess it would be great to celebrate each birthday on the birthdate but when there's too many of these birthdays in a month it made sense to have a big do. It was different when we were young. My brother and sisters were all born in the month of March but it was celebrated each individual respective day. There was no big parties, no cakes, no candles. My mother would cook what is our favourite food. I only remember that I like meehoon, so I would always get meehoon goreng on my birthday. Thinking back, it was just a meehoon but it meant so much to me. It was my special day! Everybody eat what I like, I feel special...

Do I still get meehoon on my birthday? Firstly, my mother is no longer with us... As time goes by,in my family, birthday parties are parties! There's food, lots of food; meehoon is too simple. We now serve mee tomato, laksa, mee sup, meehoon soto, spaghetti, macaroni. Then there's kueh karipap, all kinds of talam, cream puffs, tarts and tartlets. Sometimes, theres also pulut, putih with durian or kuning with rendang, mmm. Must have fruits, watermelon, bananas. Parties always finished off with birthday cakes, from simple from-the-bakery-round-the-corner, or home made choc cake to a doraemon, batman, or a train-shaped choc cake to a big 'choc indulgence' from secret recipe. The young ones will get presents, from books, to toys to branded shirts to bicycles. Its wonderful, happy happy expensive dos. No..there's no meehoon for my birthday..

Its different now, we celebrate our special day making people around us feel special. We celebrate our special day making time to be together. I guess I like BBQs because it takes a longer time to get the food ready. It will mean the time spent together is longer. There'll be more laughter, more jokes, more...just lots of fun.

It was great last night. I was happy everybody likes my brisket strip in a roll, sort of a subway. I enjoyed my pop corn. The sotong was sweet, the lamb chops were delicious, the chicken was succulent...I think,..its no longer about the food. Like my cucu said, bestnya ramai-ramai. Birthdays are the best excuse just to be together. It is sooo about the company..To me, that is special. We were born to be a part of a family. Thats what should be celebrated, the day to be a part of a family..My special day, your special day, our special day....That makes our birthdays the family's special day. Next time lets spent the whole special day together...(To get MJ memorial ticket was 0.4%)..

But, I still miss my mothers meehoon..

Dreams are made of..

I always get excited when theres news or reports about Malay children/teenagers doing great things...scoring good results in exams, winning competitions in Maths, science, technology, nationally or at international levels. Being a mother, an ex teacher and a Malay, I feel very proud. Melayu boleh! We have arrived?

Many weeks ago, I got excited when an 18year old Zahra Masouman Halim announced she will swim across the English Channel. Wow, difficult feat, very ambitious....but has been done before. The news were in all medias, in the newspapers for a couple of days, were on tv news, quite a big hu-ha. Unfortunately, when the day came, the swim was aborted after only a few kilometres due to bad weather or big waves/tide or something like that...So, what happened? Did she only prepare herself for good weather? Did she practise in calm waters? Was she fit enough? Was she strong enough, physically, mentally?

Then there was an article in the papers about a 16 year old, Nur Syahiirah Muhammad Junaidi, who wrote her first English novel. I couldn't wait to get a copy. The books were not sold in the stores. I'm not exactly sure why, but a friend managed to get me a copy of "Soul of the Iris ".I took three days to finish the 302-paged book. Its the longest time I've taken to read a relatively thin book. I must say it is creative writing but theres some sections like I've read it or heard it or maybe seen it on the telly but thats not what is important. I took a long time to finish the book because the vocabulary was bad, the grammar mistakes were in almost every other paragraph. It felt like reading a school essay written in an exam, where theres not enough time to correct any mistakes. The English was quite bad. Big words was used but excrutiatingly wrong. I mean, it was clearly not edited.The spelling mistakes were too many; it was not proof read. Over and over again immediately was spelt immidietly. How did it get published? That was why I had to stopped reading many many times, I can't stand the poor english. Why can't the girl get her parents or english teacher to read it first? Was there a publisher or was it just printed by printers?

Please don't get me wrong. I am not trying to bring anybody down. Its just that why can't we do something the long way. There's no short cut to success. I'm sure this would be what Datuk Malik Mydin (I hope I got his name right) or JK Rowlins would say. We don't always succeed the first time, sooo very true but the first try is always the 'make or break'.. I am very sure both girls will try and try again. I hope Zahra will practise in the worst possible scenario so that she'll succeed in whatever condition. I remember a friend's visit to Indonesia where the small children played/practised badminton in huge hangar like halls, not enough windows and no fans. The air was humid and the children wore drenched shirts. So my friend asked the trainer why, and he said they would play well in better conditions, breeze through games in air-cond halls. Well, you know something like that.. To NurSyahiirah, writing needs coaching, too. Unlike JK Rowlins, you are writing in a second language. In your book, I sensed that you think in Bahasa Melayu. Have an english tuitor. Work with a publisher. I enjoyed your story line and I am sure you can write many many more interesting novels.

Girls, good luck, all the best. I'll be following your path to success, insyaAllah. Make me proud...

What's on?

What's on in my life?
Today.... a quite Sunday. Puzi's away on a course. Nadeem's lazing infront of the telly. Its a gloomy cloudy day.

Had my mug of nescafe and french toast for breakfast. We usually eat out on Sundays but Puzi's not around, it does not make sense to drive out just for food. So, made pepperoni pizza for Nadeem and a cheese & tomato for me. Nice..

Wish I can get tickets for Michael Jacksons memorial but its only a 0.4% chance. Still not sure is he really dead? From the rumors and latest news dug up by CNN, BBC, ABC, Eonline..theres so many questions, mysteries but all agree he has a debt amounting 300mil. Just this past week, his albums, videos have sold to a staggering sum..Could all this death thing just a hoax? Will he actually appear, just like on the Thriller album, zombie-like, to say 'hey, I'm still here..I love you'. I askd myself, what would I feel? Happy, MJ is alive. Angry, being cheated, wasted my time, tears, mourning. or just sad, he is a real, wacko, sick..Well, I'm sure he's really dead. My heart goes out to his family.
It's never easy when someone close to you pass away so sudden. My mum passed away after days in the hospital suffering from a third cancer. We were kind of prepared ourselves for the bad news...but a year later my father went away so quitely in his sleep. Why didnt I hug him just a bit tighter the night before. Why didnt I tell him that I love him so much. Why didnt ...there's too many why didnts, could haves, should haves....Its been 5 years since my mums gone and 4 years since my father passed away. I still missed them so much. Sometimes I want, I need to talk to someone about them, to remember them, their voices, their smiles, their laughter, their touches...theres this painful hollow feeling inside me. I used to dream about them a lot but not any more. Why?...